Blood Bath and Beyond

BRÖHAMMER GUITARIST STILL SINGLE….WHY?!

2011-12-09T07:42:00.000-08:00

BRÖHAMMER GUITARIST STILL SINGLE….WHY?!

Doonesbury 11/30/2011 - Doonesbury « ArcaMax Publishing

2011-11-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

Doonesbury 11/30/2011 - Doonesbury « ArcaMax Publishing

Big Baby Davis Got Arts-And-Crafty During The Lockout

2011-11-29T12:34:00.000-08:00

Big Baby Davis Got Arts-And-Crafty During The Lockout

DEFINE “TRUTH IN ADVERTISING” | MetalSucks

2011-11-28T12:22:00.000-08:00

DEFINE “TRUTH IN ADVERTISING” | MetalSucks

The Hero Stumptown Needs of the Day - The Daily What

2011-11-27T09:12:00.000-08:00

The Hero Stumptown Needs of the Day - The Daily What

ENTER TO WIN $250 - Pick This Week's Best NFL Fantasy Football Player at Starstreet: The Sports Stock Market

2011-11-22T11:56:00.000-08:00

Awesome contest by my friends at StarStreet

ENTER TO WIN $250 - Pick This Week's Best NFL Fantasy Football Player at Starstreet: The Sports Stock Market

My Mustache Manifesto

2011-11-17T06:46:00.001-08:00

Hi Pretty girls I want to impress by showing I do charity,

Hope everyone's having a great November. You know who is having a great month?

Cancer.

That's right, this month, like every other month in the year testicular and prostate cancer will affect 1 in 6 men. That means if you have a 5-piece band with a manager, one of them will get cancer. If you count the Goalie one person in every hockey line will eventually be diagnosed with cancer.

Cancer's a jerk, it goes into restaurants and just orders water, it orders new movies from Netflix and then never returns them so you have to wait like 4 months to see The Pacific on DVD. Cancer steals parents and friends, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, everyone.

So I decided to take a stand. I am growing a mustache. I'm turning November into Movember.

That's right. For the month of November I am growing a mustache to raise money and awareness about the danger poses to men everywhere, and I'm asking for your help. I am growing a soup-catcher and taking the oath of celibacy that entails to raise money for cancer research and I'm asking for your help.

Your donation will go to fund research on prostate and testicular cancer as well as programs that help promote early detection and programs for men living with cancer.

If you can donate, even $15 or $25 please go to http://mobro.co/ryanharnedy

I promise, once we find a cure for cancer I will never grow a mustache again.

2011-10-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

2011-06-10T13:23:00.001-07:00

The Cure Goes Google

2011-05-31T08:40:00.000-07:00

ColinsLaw.Org

2010-10-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone if you have a free minute please check out www.colinslaw.org, it's an organization dedicated to my friend Colin Foote and using his memory to promote road safety.

Mets Hiring Video

2010-09-27T13:14:00.000-07:00

Even funnier if you're not a Mets fan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVkalfhzvVA

Keith from Every Time I Die and Fall Out Boy do Walk by Pantera

2010-08-24T17:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJADzd5gd2o&feature=search

Awesome Radio Station Ad

2010-08-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

New plan to get healthy

2010-08-17T06:36:00.000-07:00

Switch to unbreaded chicken wings and stop referring to taco salad as a salad.

Arnold and the Crypt Keeper

2010-08-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

New Media or just a new TV?

2010-08-01T17:34:00.000-07:00

I was talking with my excellent friend Cornelius the other day about the idea of New Media and he made an interesting argument: That it's not really neow media so much as it is a new way of consuming it. Hulu doesn't show anything that isn't on TV, it just shows it on your computer (and now your iPad) and people tweeting jokes is no different from someone telling you a joke, its just quicker to get them out there. We were discussing the absolutely awesome http://twitter.com/shhdontellsteve and were debating whether or not it's just like a regular sitcom, except that you're reading it rather watching it in 30 minute blocks.

While I think my man Cornelius is right about a lot of web media, I also think that argument is unfair to the way a lot of the rules of various social media platforms dictate the way content is designed. The rise of Conan O'Brien on Twitter is fascinating because its a medium he's just starting to use but he absolutely understands how its used to its greatest effect. Gone are the extended metaphors and visual jokes that dominated his television show, Conan utilizes irony and understatement to their full extent with his Twitter account. I'd people like Conant demonstrate the possibilities and limitations of social media platforms as vehicles for comedy. The 140 character limit requires quick delivery and concise statements, pushing users further towards irony and absurdism. I'd liken this type of comedy's relationship to more traditional web media to improv and stand-up: their goals are the same, but the skills that make someone good at it are very different. You can be funny on TV, but you might not be able to hack it in Twitter, or vice versa.

I think the S&!t my Dad says TV show is going be a terrifying demonstration that somethings work in one medium and not the other (then again, I once said that The Black Donnellys was going to be on forever...so I've been wrong before).

2010-07-28T06:40:00.001-07:00

Jane Austen Fight Club

Watching Watchers Watching

2010-03-16T18:26:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I was discussing social media with two most excellent and learned gentlemen Josh Gee and Jordan Newman, and we were discussing the facebook virus that showed you a random sampling of people and claimed that they were "stalking your facebook." This led to the always fascinating debate of, since facebook is gathering data on your usage, they clearly which profiles you are viewing, and would have the ability to showcase that data, would they turn it on.

All three of us gave an emphatic no, going on to explain that if they did utilize this feature we would almost certainly end our facebook usage.

This brings up an interesting conundrum in social media: do we interact online because we wish to see, and also be seen, but never be seen seeing. Film critic Laura Mulvey has an interesting take on this debate in her famous essay: Visual Pleasure in Narrative Cinema. The essay posits the idea that people enjoy the cinema because we enjoy the feeling of watching without our subjects being aware of it. Our collective voyeurism allows us a sense of power over the subjects in a film, we are able to observe and analyze without the subjects being aware of our watching.

At first glance, this idea doesn't seem to translate into social media. By definition, the ease of content creation and the ability to share content suggests that people utilize social media specifically TO be seen. However, I think provides some interesting insight into the way in which we utilize social networks. Networks, especially ones with extensive profiles such as Facebook and LinkedIn are associative by nature. You look at one thing then see some other profile headline and click on it, which leads you to another, and so on and so on. Almost everyone agrees that this is the way such networks are utilized, but I think the fear we all have of having such activities made public suggests a certain interesting ambivalence: we accept such behavior as part of social networking, but we also view it as somehow socially unacceptable. One could argue that this has some interesting implications for the way we view social networking and digital interaction: we are coming to accept it as part of our modern social interactions, but there is still something about it that we find uncomfortable. We enjoy the ability to watch without being seen, but still feel that there is something voyeuristic about the watching.

What Digital Marketers could learn from my T-shirt collection

2010-02-24T17:07:00.000-08:00

As a young man I concerned myself predominantly with listening to cool music. Well, perhaps I should re-phrase: as a young man I concerned myself predominantly with listening to music that cool people thought were cool. IM Profiles, Message boards, Record Label compilation CDs, Newbury Comics "Employee Picks" sections, there was no rock I wouldn't turn over to find my next fix.

The best place to find out about music, however, was the band T-shirt. Purchased online, at a record store, or, hopefully, from a merch booth during a concert, the band t-shirt was an endorsement virtually unknown to traditional advertising channels: People pay you to tell other people about your product. Seeing someone wear a band t-shirt was told me how much they liked a band without ever saying a word. How much did I like Thrice? Please let me give them $20 so I call tell everyone who sees me that they rule. That's how much. I can remember as a kid in Toad's Place or the Worcester Palladium, waiting for the lights to go down, and seeing who was wearing what shirt. Was there a band I hadn't heard yet? Was my NOFX shirt, once a staple of my wardrobe no longer cool (this is a totally hypothetical situation, as anyone who has ever heard Punk in Drublic will tell you)? This loyalty and fixation, commonplace only in independent music and the occasional cult, provided one of the most interesting case studies in marketing. Similar in many ways to the Maker's Mark Ambassador's program independent music provides an interesting example of viral marketing: creating an environment in which brand loyalty is both a social identifier and people are constantly in search of brands and groups with which they can identify.

This idea has some interesting implications when paired with social media. The Facebook fan page, the people you follow in Twitter, the blog roll, etc. all have the potential to have that kind of social relevance. As we continue to connect our real and online selves these social markers may come to have the same significance as the clothes you wear, the patches you put on your bag, the stickers you put on your notebook so that the girl next to you in History class knows that you love Radiohead. Building a brand which engages such a fervent demographic, one for whom identity and loyalty are important values allows you the ability to not only extend your reach while limiting your operating costs, it gives your brand the opportunity to have an invaluable quality of authenticity. It was one thing for me to see an Interpol poster telling me that Rolling Stone thought their new album was solid (as they always were) it was quite another thing for me to see my friends or kids at concerts wear t-shirts of bands or clothing companies I'd never heard of. Identifying themselves with these groups had no benefit for them, it was just a part of how they wanted the world to see them. That authenticity, that sense that you're not being sold something, but rather seeing something that a peer values, as long as it's done with a sense of the culture gives social media a unique marketing value, especially as it becomes more integrated into mobile and thus more omnipresent in people's lives.

Also, I heard the guy who plays drums in Baroness works in design, you should ask him about it. Just don't mix up the Red Album and Blue Record.

Bobsledding

2010-02-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

After a substantial time investment I have concluded that real bobsledding is not nearly as funny as Cool Runnings.

Douglas Coupland and Social Media

2010-02-06T05:36:00.000-08:00

14 years ago Douglas Coupland, in his landmark book Microserfs, imagined that in the future our names would eventually include numbers and characters such as the @ sign in an effort to feel more unique, much as people now do for their e-mail addresses. What Coupland was hinting at was the idea that society would eventually merge our online identities with our real selves. Coupland's book pre-dates what we would call social media, but I think, while not exactly correct, it does raise some interesting implications.

First to note is that Coupland appears to have gotten it backwards. While the idea that our online identities would eventually be much more fully integrated into our lives seems very forward thinking, the reality seems to be that our online personalities conform much more to our real selves, or rather the selves that we wish the world to see as real. Because Social media allows people to construct an identity, we are constantly being presented with everyone's ideal self. The result is that the entire online world is engaging in what is essentially a first date, favorite movies, favorite music, "of course I don't make breakfast for my cats, that's crazy" etc. This is the perceived value of lists and fan pages, it allows people to substitute a series of likes and dislikes for a true identity, much as calling yourself "VagrantRecordsKid1984@hotmail.com" allowed you to do previously (I really hope that's not still an active e-mail address, if it is, I'm sorry, Saves the Day rules).

One of the observations my good friend and social media titan (He'll deny both titles if you ask him) Zach Hofer-Shall suggested was that the healthiest and noblest goal for social media was to drive real-world connections. I'd carry that suggestion a little further and suggest that if driving real-world connections is what social media is designed for, and using it as an end unto itself is somewhat missing the point, so too is using a social media profile as either a way to judge what a person is really like, or as a way to create an idealized identity for yourself in lieu of real growth is like reading the Book-a-Minute version of a person, you understand the what, but the how and the why, the real depth is absent. Until we can read minds and put them on our facebook pages, in which case I'll probably have to delete this post.

2010-01-27T06:57:00.001-08:00

There's a dude in my Multimedia class who looks JUST like Ted Raimi. When asked what his favorite movie was he didn't say Evil Dead II. I think it was very modest of him.

2010-01-14T12:39:00.001-08:00

Forgive me, I only took a few religion classes, but I have to believe that if Haiti made a deal with the devil they would've been doing a bit better before the earthquake.

Avatar

2010-01-11T16:18:00.000-08:00

James Cameron will never be accused of being a director who puts a premium on subtlety. For Cameron, success is measured both in the quality of the reaction he generates from his audience, and in the size of the explosion he uses to generate that reaction. That being said, it appears as though Cameron failed to the learn the lessons of his triumph/disaster Titanic

Amongst other things, Titanic proved that regardless of how big the ship you sink, or how florid the monologues in your last half-hour, without a solid connection to the characters, and an understanding of what's at stake, you're just sinking a boat. Cameron, while clearly returning to the same anti-corporate and paranoia motifs that defined his best work, seems to have forgotten that the reason people consistently say "I'll be back" isn't just because Arnold beats up a guy in a motorcycle bar, it's because there's a real connection between the Governator and Edward Furlong. I don't have a secret ambition to open a company called Game Over Industries with Bill Paxton as our spokesman just because they run over an alien in a truck, but rather because Paxton's transformation from blustery macho man to terrified man-child is both interesting and profoundly disturbing.

With Avatar returning to Cameron's idealogical roots, it would be easy for repeat such success, especially in an era when climate-change, self-created identity, and corporate greed are so close to everyone's thoughts. The characters and issues he explored so successfully in earlier work are ripe for re-examination now, and Avatar ultimately squanders that chance by giving us a story we've all seen before (show of hands: when someone explains the plot of Avatar how many of you immediately name another movie?) and dialogue that fails to either differentiate characters or make us believe that there are any really important people in this story about the importance of preserving what's really important in the world.

While Avatar is a visual triumph, it succeeds in every way that it fails as a narrative, it must be noted that a movie concerned with the questions of what defines you as a person and as what is worth preserving in the world should be a little more concerned with it's story and characters, and less with making sure Avatar Sigourney Weaver has the same facial structure as regular Sigourney Weaver.

2009-12-15T06:17:00.001-08:00

I want to have a glamcore project calld The Young Tim Gunns.

2009-12-01T07:22:00.000-08:00

Someday I'm going to have a thought as pretty as ones on Jimmy Eat World's Clarity.

Young and Aspiring

2009-11-24T06:45:00.000-08:00

For a while I thought all of Boston was under 25 and hip. Then I realized most of my day is divided between public transportation, Trader Joe's, and basement concerts. I must imagine that there are older people ensconced in places I can't afford to go.

Razor's

2009-11-20T06:48:00.000-08:00

If anyone is looking for a great haircut in Somerville, I recommend Razor's on Highland. Aside from an Italian/Reggae theme, they show Family Guy non-stop, and there's a dog that lives in the building named Marlon Brando, and there's also a framed portrait of said dog on their wall of fame.

At the Gym

2009-11-19T07:10:00.000-08:00

I regularly want to tell out of shape people who work out at the gym that I really admire what they're doing, and they're going to be in shape soon and looking great...but then I realize that I'm not in shape, and nothing's worse than a fat guy telling you that you're out of shape.

The Wisdom of the Away Message

2009-10-28T17:21:00.000-07:00

So recently, my friend Adam and I were both on the Internet. I know this because he sent me a facebook chat. I opened this chat, only to find that he had left facebook, either because he had some important errands to run, or someone's tastes in movies or music had offended him. Being the great student of human nature that I am, I immediately deduced it was the latter, since I knew Adam was done with class, he eats dinner early, and his dog must be walked before 7:30 pm. In addition, the fact that he sent me a Gchat message not 20 seconds after I got the facebook message sort of suggested to me that Adam may in fact, still be trolling the internet...probably on reading every amazing thing about The Expendables (sorry, that movie just has too much potential not to link to.)

As a child of the Internet Age, I am extremely comfortable typing out my thoughts and feelings on a keyboard. The lightning reflexes and laser-like focus that would have made me the toast of any secretarial pool was used throughout my teens to express my every thought, feeling and emotion in text. However, at the time my generation benefited from what was essentially a monopoly on the instant message game. It was called Instant Messenger. It's features included being able to pick a screen name, have a profile, set away messages and...you could turn it off? Yes, it's functionality was limited, and I may never get over the humiliation of having been known as bigHman181 for much of my junior high school years, but in a way it's simplicity was it's strength. Communities of teenagers developed what were essentially the first social networks, creating lists of friends and contacts who were almost entirely people with whom they had a personal or physical connection with (you went to school with them, or played sports with them, or you saw their band play at the Trance Buddha in Shrewsbury, etc.) and IMing was simply an extension of your connections with people, as the best social networking has proven to be. As we move from social networking site to social networking site, and the amount of technology used to communicate with one another grows, I think it's important to remember the elegant simplicity and driving purpose of the Instant Messenger: to keep your friends close, and to avoid writing your 11th grad English paper by reading Will Kelley's away message 40 times a night.

Vince Wilfork

2009-10-12T12:03:00.001-07:00

I am now announcing a campaign to start calling Vince Wilfork "The Death Star."

The Playoffs

2009-10-07T05:55:00.001-07:00

My boss let us know that catching "Red Sox Fever" is not an acceptable use of a sick day. I then said that I used to catch "Dolphins Fever" but it only grows in tropical climates. No one laughed.

The lesson: Jokes about tropical diseases are not funny during the baseball playoffs

www.michaeljfox.org

2009-06-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

While I applaud his commitment to public service, the downside is now when I say "Back to the Future should always be looked at as Michael J. Fox's great triumph" instead of sounding like an articulate fan, I just look like a tool.

TV Me

2009-05-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite hobbies is to watch the commercials that run during my favorite TV shows to see what kind of person my TV thinks I am.

Psych- Someone desperately in need of weight loss drugs and anti-depressants who needs to be reminded of the TBS schedule every 10 minutes. Thought: If I got really skinny would I still be depressed or if I was anti-depressed would I still be upset about being fat. Moreover, if I were watching all the Office, My Name is Earl and Family Guy that TBS has to offer, I couldn't be depressed...probably still out of shape though.

Scrubs- Someone who really needs to re-stock their bathroom (toilet paper, Irish Spring, those pink Venus razors) while at the same time re-shuffling my life to accomadate a new Nathan Fillion show every 2 months.

How I Met Your Mother- Hey, we just wanted to remind you that New Adventures of Old Christine is still on.

How I Met Your Mother (On Lifetime) - Hey, just wanted to remind you that you're an empowered woman who needs more Jill Sullivan in your life.

X-files reruns- Ryan, we see your core needs as weight loss without exercise, penis enlargement and phone sex.

Best last album track

2009-04-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

There is much debate about what song best closes the album on which it is featured. While the case can be made for 2112, it's a little unfair since the song is half of the album. I maintain that the greatest album conclusion is Rocket Queen by Guns 'N Roses. The greatest album closers complete the difficult task of both holding the attention of either someone driving too fast who is obviously near their destination or a teenager trying desperately to appear more knowledgeable about music than his friends, who are all certainly doing the same thing, while at the same time bringing together all the themes, issues, and concerns which are important to the self-indulgent man-children we think of as rock stars. With these two concerns in mind, I'd like to point out that Appetite for Destruction has really 3 interests: Addiction, Women, and Los Angeles. Rocket Queen not only manages to hold the attention of both the bored and the stoned with it's rising crescendos and crashing choruses, it is also a song wholly concerned with three things: Addiction, Women, and Los Angeles (In the case of Rocket Queen, Addiction to a Woman from Los Angeles).

2008-07-08T21:18:00.000-07:00

I think Zach Braff wants to be the Dustin Hoffman of our generation, but I think the generation is just barely getting used to the idea of him being our Chevy Chase.

On Tolerance

2008-07-07T09:08:00.001-07:00

There was a kid who looked a lot like Jonah Hill at work, so I called him SuperBad for a while, then I learned that when I wear my glasses the cooks call me Harry Potter, and that's when I learned that making fun of people is wrong.

Something to Consider

2008-04-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

Could it be that the reason that Obama is doing worse among liberal blue collar voters is because he speaks mostly in abstract ideas and concepts, and that people who haven't been to college are much more comfortable speaking in terms of concretes (you'll have health care by this date, I'll create X many new jobs) than speaking in abstract ideas like "Hope" and "Change"?

2008-04-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

I watcehd Evil Dead 2 and There's Something About Mary last week, and I've decidd that instead of having two seperate character careers, Matt Dillon and Bruce Campbell should just split one mainstream career.

America's Past time

2008-04-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

I was at a baseball game yesterday and I overheard someone ordering "A piece of fruit and a glass of your house wine" from a vendor. I was deeply upset.

Adventures in the Supermarket

2008-02-21T10:39:00.000-08:00

I was shopping with my brother the other day when I encountered a box which was labeled "Turkey Meatloaf." Aside from the obvious problem that trying to make Meatloaf healthier is profoundly Unamerican, there's something wrong about telling people what's in meatloaf, not knowing is part of the fun. Telling people that they're eating Turkey Meatloaf is like saying "Hey, let's play hide and go seek. I'll hide behind the coach" It just isn't fun.

Dazed and Confused

2008-02-15T15:46:00.000-08:00

Regardless of it's accuracy in capturing the aimlessness of high school, or it's suprisingly complicated investigation into the nature of teenage rebellion, there's one thing that's really great about Dazed and Confused:

Have anyone you know watch the movie, and then point to a character, and they'll immediately be able to identify who that character was in their high school. Try it, it works I swear it.

2008-02-12T20:59:00.001-08:00

How awesome does this look?

2008-01-26T12:56:00.000-08:00

http://www.brookstreetpictures.com/jackbrooks/trailer/medium.html

2008-01-24T16:29:00.000-08:00

Kentucky Fried Chicken is the tequila of fast food. You avoid eating it until you can't remember why you avoid it, then someone suggests it and it sounds like a great idea, then you finish the night watching cartoons on the couch and waiting to die.

2008-01-22T10:05:00.000-08:00

Apparently the majority of Americans won't vote for a candidate who doesn't believe in God. While I'm not totally sure on the issue I just wanted to point out something:

If a christian candidate dies, he's going to Heaven, but for an atheist this is all there is, so they're probably gonna do whatever it takes to stay alive, and that means keeping Americans, especially crazy ones, happy.

Well that's just like...your opinion man

2008-01-17T11:41:00.001-08:00

I think one of the coolest ideas in The Big Lebowski is that the every character except for the Dude clings to a different idealogy, Walter is brutally right-wing, The Big Lebowski is a total capitalist, the nihilists are nihilists, and Maude is a feminist to the point total obsession, in fact the only criticism she feels worthy of discussion is how vaginal her work is, she's totally detached and isn't really likeable at all, Jesus is this over-sexualized machismo, and Smokey is a pacifist. The only character who really doesn't have an ideology is the Dude, and in having no overarching ideas about life he's capable of helping everyone and being what everyone needs, a love toy for Maude, who desperately needs to perform the female function of reproduction without any of the gender-roles typically associated with it, a friend to Donny, who is portrayed as a child and in need of a big brother figure, a means of income to Walter, who is deeply invested in the male power system, a bag boy for the Big Lebowski, and, perhaps most importantly a friend to Donny and his landlord, and, I would argue, an icon for both the audience and The Stranger. He commits to no ideology, and thus is able to handle whatever life throws at him, unlike Walter, whose conservatism ultimately leads to Donny's death, or the Big Lebowski, who's obsession with achievement leads him to make up his entire life. The Dude does indeed "float through life" but in such a way that he is capable of adapting to any situation, and has no hindrances in his beliefs, which I think is why he relates to the cowboy, who like The Dude comes into these adventures and must adapt and conquer them.

Also, Phillip Seymour Hoffman may give the performance of his life as the sycophantic assistant.

In the news

2008-01-17T08:14:00.000-08:00

A recent study showed that teenagers spending an excessive amount of time on online friend sites like myspace and friendster may suggest problems socializing in real life situations. In other news, the scientists recently agreed that the sky is blue.

I read somewhere that people's problems with athlete steroid usage stems primarily from the fear that young people will imitate their heroes and also use steroids. For those who don't know, the most common way for steroids to be used is to have them injected by a needle in your butt. You can tell that the steroids are working because your testicles shrivel to the size of raisins. Man, sign me up.

Life in Orange County

2008-01-16T10:41:00.000-08:00

I live in Orange County right now, you know, where the villains in teen comedies go when they hit it big. It's a weird place because everyone has so much money, and looks great, but is somehow really unhappy. It's sort of how I imagine the fashion network people directing an R.E.M video. I think it's just that these people don't know what to do with their money, like they have these lavish birthday parties for little kids, and it's like so expensive and so nice...but like not fun at all. Like people who had living rooms where you couldn't sit on the couch. If I had that kind of money, it'd be so awesome, every year it'd just be...Good Morning Orange County! I bring you Metallica circa 1985, with Cliff Burton on bass, back from the dead, how metal is that?

Great thought for the day

2008-01-16T10:38:00.000-08:00

David Sedaris as a color commentator for the NFL.

Greatest "That's what she said"ever

2008-01-08T10:20:00.000-08:00

I was hanging out senior year with cycling enthusiasts Craig and Bailey, and they were discussing how to repair Bailey's kick stand. Craig was explaining how you had to install it a certain way for it work correctly, explaining "You can't just stick it in, otherwise it won't stay up"

To which I responded "That's what she said"

Teenage Riot

2008-01-03T10:56:00.001-08:00

For my 14th birthday, my dad took me to see Joe Strummer at the Worcester Palladium. At the time I was an aspiring punk rocker, at war with everyone I saw to be “selling out.” I had spent forty-five dollars of my parents’ money at a hair salon so I could dye my hair (and forehead) blue, and had refused to wear any t-shirts that advertised mind-warping corporations, instead boldly asking my Grandma for extra money so I could buy some suitably rebellious polo shirts and a Ramones sweatshirt I lost the day after I bought it.

At the time of my Strummer experience, my dad represented everything that was wrong with The System. An English major in college, Dad had given up dreams of being a Johnny Carson writer to settle down and have kids, just as The Man told him to. While I showed The System who was boss by not doing well in school and spending as much money on music and band merchandise as possible, my dad worked overtime to provide for his family and take care of his aging parents.

Strummer took the stage shortly after we arrived, my dad still in his stiff-necked dress-shirt from work, me in jeans I had artfully ripped earlier in the day. Joe kicked off the set with a cover of Redemption Song, and old Bob Marley protest piece, and I watched my dad sing his heart out, pumping his fist with the inarticulate rage my generation made a fashion statement and sold at Seattle airports. As I crossed my arms and made it a point to look unimpressed with everything, I noticed a college kid nudge his buddy and point to us.

“Look at that awesome old dude. Man, my old man would’ve never taken me a concert.”

HuckChuckFacts

2008-01-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

Finally, an uncompassionate conservative. I found this while trying to find a place to return my "Total Gym"

Nerd Rage

2008-01-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

Nerd Rage is the feeling people who were unpopular in high school get when they feel that the real world is somehow mirroring the humiliation and general hostility of high school. Symptoms include shaking, clenching of fists, adjusting of glasses, and a prolonged fear of having your head placed in the toiler and flushed (side-note: has anyone ever actually experienced this, cause I certainly was never swirlied, and I talked about Star Wars and wore a Weezer shirt a lot).
Nerd Rage seems to be most common amongst recent college graduates, because, simply put, nerds were promised that they would be more successful than popular people in high school, and immediately after college, no matter how cool or uncool you were previously, you essentially have the same job as every other graduate. It's some variation of secretary or administrative assistant, the differences are just what kind of things we copy and fax, and if we're going out to get salads (legal), lattes (entertainment), or enormous amounts of cocaine (finance)
I personally have never suffered from nerd rage (being funny generally excuses all of your bizarre social habits, and any kind of obsession with grades or class rank), but I have several friends that have, and I think it needs to be addressed.
First off, I don't believe anyone, popular or unpopular can be held responsible for what they did in high school (me especially). We were all under so much stress, so tired and in such a hostile environment that I believe all bullying, geekishness, or rampant sluttery must get forgiven and forgotten. It's a fallacy to assume that just because you buttoned the top button of your shirt and were talking about what college you'd be attending sophomore year that you were under any less stress than someone who was a star athlete or not totally socially inept, in fact, in my experience, those kids tended to be under the worst stress, since school didn't come easy to them, and the pressures of success on all the other fronts really must've wore them down. Imagine having to do well in such a public arena as a football field or field hockey game (field hockey being worse cause you can be penalized for shit that makes absolutely no sense), and then having to look good and be cool all the time. Being funny and awkward was easy, and if you were a smart kid and you fucked up on a test, hey nobody knew.
Secondly, if you're 22 years old and are still concerned about high school...man, grow the fuck up. It was four years which were gonna be awful anyways, thanks to acne, varying body types, and no rules dodge ball (who decided putting teenagers that pissed off in a room throwing balls at each other was a good idea? Eh, I'm just kidding dodge ball was actually awesome). I remember talking with someone in college and they were talking about how awful, or great their high school experience was, and they asked me if I dwelt on mine, and all I could think of was "I really remember two things about high school, shooting the shit with my friends, and that my dad made a killer ham sandwich for lunch (seriously, that thing was a beast)."
To be fair, my high school experience was better than most, but I think that nerd rage, and it's corollary, jock guilt, are things that we sort of have to get past. High School was tough, anyplace I had to be up at 6am for and spend time simultaneously bored and with erections that were almost uncontrollable was gonna be. It's time to embrace that we've all grown up, and if, by chance, anyone was actually swirlied, that it won't happen again (though I maintain that it doesn't, cause I've met kids who LARP, and they weren't swirlied)

No Good Deed

2008-01-02T10:43:00.001-08:00

During my time as a pet care specialist, one of my duties was to feed the animals in the “Specialty” aisle. This included such cuddly creatures as ferrets, tarantulas, and a 5 pound sewer rat I’d nicknamed “Buddy.”
Now, when I say that taking care of Buddy was my least favorite job, let me point out that my other jobs included sponge-bathing tarantulas, hand-counting crickets, and breaking up fights between the Piranha and the Snake-head that eventually ate it, and the rest of the members of the “aggressive” tank. I tried being nice to Buddy, sneaking him bites of my sandwich at lunch, but to no avail, we just didn’t get along.
Buddy didn’t do much of anything, except be fat and bite my hand on feeding day. We wanted to move him to a communal cage, but after the fourth roommate “disagreed” with Buddy, digestively as well as socially, he was forced to be alone, growing larger and meaner and less likely to be sold.
Our lives changed however, when one day a man came in and asked to buy him. As I carefully boxed up my nemesis I asked him what why he wanted him. “Snake food” he replied. I winced, then looked down at Buddy, an unknowing entree.
“I’m sorry, I forgot, he’s been sold” I said. The biker frowned, then pointed at Flopsy, a rabbit. “I’ll take him” he said “Sorry, he’s also sold, in fact, all the rodents are paid for. You know, science fair season.”
After my shift, I packed up Buddy, Flopsy, and the other two hundred dollars worth of rodents I’d bought and released them in my backyard. I opened up Buddy’s box and held out my hand, hoping he understood our connection, our bond.
I still have the scar from putting my hand too close to a rat in the wild.

Bromancing the stone

2007-12-31T09:10:00.000-08:00

A recent call from my good friend TJ informed me that this website is now in CC magazine, and I've decided to use this newfound fame to discuss an issue that is often overlooked, and that issue is guy love.
For decades women have been using the term "girlfriend" to describe their relationships with their women friends, and despite the emphasis on male bonding, too often close male relationships are misunderstood, but I'm here to set the record straight on guy love, or as my good friend Nate refers to it "non-sexual life commitment"
First off, guy love is totally nonsexual, there's nothing vaguely homoerotic about our time spent alone at Wendy's, gazing into each other's eyes, or holding each other in our strong virtual arms while playing Street Fighter II into the wee hours of the night.
The truth of the matter is that male relationships are built not on the quality time that women seem to crave, but rather on big, stinking, lazy quantity time, time spent discussing such inane topics as greatest middle reliever in baseball history, how many cookies can you fit in your mouth at one time, and other topics so nerdy and obsessive that I must not name them, or fear of never speaking to a girl again.
I think in many ways that's why men have such positive memories of college, since spending 24 hours a day eating, sleeping, and vomiting on academic buildings together may indeed be the ideal environment for a bromance to develop (which may eventually develop into a bromittment, which is accompanied by a bromittment ceremony, in which my friends eat chinese food, watch Heavyweights, and admit that this is, indeed, a little weird and it wouldn't hurt us to spend more time with women).

2007-12-20T09:57:00.001-08:00

Did you know if you pay her $50,000 Paris Hilton will come to your party? I bet you she doesn't even do magic tricks, or balloon animals.
Incidentally, for $50,000 you can get half a radiohead concert, or Lemmy from Motorhead will come and live on your couch for a week, but he won't do laundry and he doesn't like the tv on after 11.

Fun fact of the day: Twinkies aren't actually cooked, they're made through a cold chemical reaction which makes them so fluffy and turgid (That last word was just for the people who laughed when I said I got a 750 on my SAT Verbal).

Aerosmith

2007-12-13T09:07:00.000-08:00

Consider the possibility that Aerosmith are a 2 hit wonder: Dream On, and then every other song ever.

90s Nostalgia

2007-12-13T08:47:00.000-08:00

As my generation reaches the age where it has to grow up, read Hemingway and Jack Kerouac and think to themselves "that's so true", and admit that their band may not in fact make it, it seems as though we've begun to canonize Nickelodeon, the television network that was, for us, as important to our tweens as Mtv was for the previous generation's decade or so that they can't remember (read 20s).
Halloween has become replete with people dressing up as contestants from Legends of the Hidden Temple, and when playing board games, I've been forced to be on more teams called "The Silver Snakes" than was really neccessary (interestingly enough, it seems as though the Silver Snakes get the most attention from people talking about our tweens, there's nothing too that, I just think it's funny).
While I hav no problem extolling the virtues of Guts, Hidden Temple, and Doug. Dough in fact, may be the single greatest work on social anxiety and teenage awkwardness ever put on the screen. However, the fact remains that while nostalgia is healthy, and in the age of TiVo and a million cable channels, perfectly healthy. I must admit that I don't buy it, because people have forgotten the most important show on Nickelodeon: You Can't Do That On Television.
You Can't Do That On Television was a Canadian variety show which Nickelodeon purchased in it's infancy to make up for their dearth of original programming. The show can be seen as the ancestor to such young adult sketch shows as All That and (the highly underrated) Amanda Show. You Can't Do That On Television is in fact the show that started our generation's fascination with sliming. More importantly, the show really broke new ground with it's format and style. Designed around a theme ("Dating" "School" "Friends") the show would go from sketch to sketch, with such strange nonsequiters as people coming out of lockers to tell jokes, interviews with fictious famous people, and Alanis Morrisette (she was an early cast member).
The point of this discussion? Well, the truth is I just really liked that show, and was sort of bummed when it gets left of the Nickelodeon discussion (be sure to watch for my next discussion "How Ren and Stimpy saved my marriage.") and also, that just because you talk about a show a lot (Guts), doesn't mean it's any better than a clearly superior show (American Gladiators).

Mr. T Knows what's up

2007-12-11T14:02:00.001-08:00

DIO

2007-11-29T10:00:00.000-08:00

So today I was carpooling with my dad to work (having two people in the car let's you use the HOV lane, which is a big thing in California) when we saw a license plate which read simply "DIO." for those unaware, Dio typically refers to Ronnie James Dio, lead singer for Post-Ozzy Black Sabbath (recommended tracks: Heaven and Hell, Neon Knights and The Sign of the Southern Cross), and his eponomyous band which released such old-school metal classics as Holy Diver, Rainbow in the Dark, and The Last in Line.
Now, after making sure that this car didn't actually have Ronnie James in it, I started to wonder how such a license plate could come to exist in Orange County, possibly the least metal place on Earth.
In a way though, it made me happy, because I saw that the guy driving the car was just a regular guy, in a suit driving to work, just another guy, who I would have otherwise imagined relaxing to the soft sounds of Air Supply or Maroon 5, was in fact rocking along with the Master of the Moon. Just like my dad, who had supposedly seen The Cars before they were signed and had seen the Mahavishnu Orchestra on multiple occasions (which, if you've ever listened to the Mahavishnu Orchestra, you know why this is impressive) had sort of grown up a little and had to become a adult, so too did the rockers of other generations, and just as, one day, I too would have to go to cocktail parties where people would play smooth jazz and discuss how they once had a Nickelback album and were afraid their parents would think they were "Messed up." However, this licensce plate gave me hope, that, while you may look out on the world and see normal, well-adjusted adults, you never know how many of them are still loyal to the world of metal horns, guitar solos and $10 general admission tickets.

Thought for the Day

2007-11-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

1. Keith Olberman is the muppet heckler of politics?
2. New greatest word ever: Guitarmaggedon

In other news:

Slander only makes Arnold look more awesome

2007-11-05T16:55:00.000-08:00

2007-10-25T15:03:00.000-07:00

How important am I at the office? Well, today I had time to figure out that the "floppy pen" trick doesn't work with your cell phone.

California is just wild about fires

2007-10-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I woke up yesterday morning and flipped on the news, only to find out that the a goodly portion of my county, including the town adjacent to mine was totally on fire. Now, for those of you that have never been near a wildfire before, let me give you the highlights.

1. If you left your windows open the night before because your room is too hot, then when you wake up there is ash and dust all over your room and in your bathroom, which for the first time ever you're trying to keep clean. Guess that proves my theory, the more you try to clean up, the messier the universe is. It's better simply to make the mess yourselves
2. When you and your brother are driving around town at night and you think to yourself "wow, I didn't realize there was a development there" that's not lights from a housing development; that's an inferno. It's weird, because only the outside of the circle is burning, cause the fire cleared out everything else.
3. It always looks like it's raning, because the smoke gathers low to the ground, so it looks like they're rain clouds, but it's actually smoke.
4. Everywhere you go smells like a fireplace when you don't open the flume.
5. When someone says "arsonist" you're not watching the sopranos, you're watching the news.
6. The movie Backdraft is no longer funny.

Blackwater

2007-10-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot of talk about the brutality of the Blackwater firm in Iraq. My main question is: if you're trying to foster peace and stability, why would you hire a company named Blackwater to do the pacifying. I really can't imagine anyone would name their company Blackwater if they weren't gonna stock it with some serious dudes, and to a lesser extent, dudettes. A company with a badass name like Blackwater really can't have that many industries it was designed for, wouldn't you sorta know what you're getting into when you hire a company like that: "Welcome to Blackwater Pet shop, don't fucking tap on the glass" "Welcome to the Blackwater Teddy Bear workshop, all bears have moustaches and an eyepatch" "Welcome to Blackwater Ice Cream, our special is Brutal Berry, Dickface."

2007-10-11T16:01:00.000-07:00

If Fantasy Football is any indication of how well you'd play real football, I feel like I missed my calling.

2007-10-09T13:53:00.000-07:00

People talk a lot about the future of America, and the way in which the news is the news media is shaping our youth, the fact that people get most of their news from pundits (which, by the way isn't the news, it's someone's opinion on the news, saying you get your news from Hannity and Colmes is sort of like counting crunch berries as a serving of fruit: you're not fooling anyone, except the other people who think fruit should have a half-life of 5,000 years), and I agree that these things are hurting America, but I don't think it's hurting us as much as people think? why do I think that? I believe that no matter how many businesses give money to have their points of view on the news, no matter how many people call other people slimebags instead of pointing out flaws in their arguments, and no matter how much people accuse other people of hating freedom, you will never take away the power of the American wiseass.
While people may extol the virtues of British humor, or point out the quirky sensibilities that make Italian comedy so loveable, I defy anyone to out wiseass an American wiseass. I take great pride in my smart-aleckyness, and I come from a proud tradition of smart-assery. Face it, for every one Bill O'Reilly yelling at his guests to shut up, or making lists of who is ruining America, there will always be a thousand grandfathers, aunts, uncles and cousins who are staying with you because they didn't pay their rent, who will call them fat, or imply that his penis is small and that he makes up for it by being loud, or just farting during a particularly heart-felt moment; and never underestimate the value of a well-timed fart joke: Salinger talks about it in Catcher in the Rye, hell, even Chaucer discusses it in The Miller's Tale.
My point is, millionaires and lobbyists, churches and nonprofits can buy up all of the air time they can get their hands on, but at the end of the day, they'll always fall victim to the person who's willing to make a snarky comment to the person next to him, and in many ways it's the ultimate statement of rebellion. You can cancel a show that says things you don't like, you can write a book saying how stupid your opponent is, but you can never stop the people who giggle when you say something foolish, or who draw a moustache on your picture when you're in the paper. Trust in the wiseass, because when you see someone telling you that what you believe is wrong, or that it's immoral for you to love the person you're in love with, or if you shouldn't be allowed to pray in school because it bothers the kid next to you, just remember, somewhere out there, there's someone making fun of him for you, for people who believe like you do...indeed, at any given moment, there are a thousand people farting for freedom.

2007-10-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

I was at work on Friday, and were discussing speakers for this conference, and someone actually said "We've got someone coming from the Schwarzeneggar administration" and nobody giggled.

2007-10-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

James Hetfield and Dave Matthews are walking through the jungle, when suddenly they're captured by natives. The native chief walks up to them and says "You have trespassed on sacred ground, now you must die, but it is our custom to allow those who are about to perish one final request." So Dave Matthews thinks about it and then says "You know what, more than anything I'd like to have a guitar, so that I could just have one more righteous jam." The chief responds "Very well Dave Matthews, you shall have your guitar, James Hetfield, what is your request?" James Hetfield looks at the chief and says "Kill me first."

2007-09-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

New best thing about California: I asked a guy for directions and he had a Judas Priest tank top, a fu-manchu and a mullet, and I don't think he was being ironic at all, also, he was very polite and his directions were top-notch.

2007-09-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

As I watched Football on Sunday, first with the Amighty Josh Posner and Chris Ferrantino, then with the slightly less mighty Dad, I was struck as to the incredible extent to which Peyton Manning has sold out. I'm hard pressed to think of a product he doesn't endorse "Hi, I'm Peyton Manning, and when I ride in the Space Shuttle, I only use AeroStar brand Space Suits"
Now, as someone who spent a lot of time accusing people of selling out (I listened to a lot of punk in high school, it comes with the territory) I consider myself something of an expert on prostituting yourself to sell products which you recieve for free anyway. At the same time, the guy's gotta make a living, and plus, when all of your friends work out 8 hours a day and are 6' 13" far be it from me to tell you how to live your life.
My definition of commercial integrity is that I would only endorse products where I'd be happy if I was only paid in the product. For example, if Cinnabon came to me today and said "Ryan, We want you to be the face of that huge 5,000 calorie cinnamon bun you can only find at the mall, but we can only pay you in Cinnabons" Sign me up. Conversly, if I were to get a request from say...Weight Watchers, or the people who made Georgia Rule, I'd have to pass, frankly the only Jane Fonda movies neccessary are Barbarella and the often-overlooked feminist western Cat Ballou.

Hey!

2007-09-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

What're you doing reading this when you could be watching Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe. If you're lucky, the Whale Autopsy Technician one might be on.

Trust me on this

2007-09-19T17:20:00.000-07:00

http://www.myspace.com/attilaga
The singer was on an episode of Made, and he and his band wore Outbreak and Every Time I Die shirts, and I happen to think they're pretty sick.

Pet Peeve

2007-09-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

For the record, the song's called Baba O'Riley, not Teenage Wasteland.

Hillary Clinton

2007-09-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

A lot of people have expressed the concern that a woman might not be tough enough to be President. I think anyone with the guts and strength to push a person out of their belly (an act described to me by a doctor as like peeing an orange) deserves to try any job she wants.

Tuneage

2007-09-11T14:28:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna be honest, it is a little offensive how ridiculous their musicianship is

In other news:

It's a new band with some of the guys from Bones Brigade and a couple other Boston thrash bands. Check'em out, Harry Mackenzie gives them the seal of approval, and in case you didn't know, his parents are awesome (his dad was in G.G Allin's band)

Gay Marriage

2007-09-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

Do I support Gay Marriage? Absolutely, I think every marriage should be a gay marriage, why would anyone want their marriage to be unhappy, if a man and a woman love each other enough that they want to spend their lives together, they should be as gay as can be. What...I thought gay meant...two fellas? What about two dames? Lesbian? Yeah, my brother's into theatre, he's a big lesbian...I thought glasses could correct queer eye, they had that Ben Stein fella talking about it...really? Wow, you learn something new every day.

Seriously though, after three gay aunts (one by marriage, I also have an ex-gay aunt), my opinion on gay marriage is this, if you want someone to be able to pull the plug when your in a coma and get half your stuff if they leave you, then you should gosh-darn be able to. In a world where celebrity private parts and rich people reality shows (except for Gene Simmons Family Jewels, which is above reproach) are the biggests interests, I think the more people who can fall in love and make each other happy the better, so if you're gay, be proud of it, go find someone you love, make your little corner of the world brighter with your own little ray of sunshine. Either that or you can get a dog, they really cheer you up when your feeling down.

Frankly, I think the problem is that when some people hear "Legalize Gay Marriage" they think it means "Legalize and Enforce Gay Marriage." This fear is totally valid, if I were happily married to a lovely wife, the last thing I'd want is for liberal pinko-commies to come over and say "Hey there Joe, I hate to break it to you but here's your new hubby, Bruce, he's the manager over at H&M, enjoys cardio training and spinning, and owns every Pet Shop Boys album. Your wife, oh she's moving up to northern Massachusetts to be with Maura, she builds log cabins, practices witch craft, and follows the Indigo Girls around when they tour." I could see that being a tad frightening.

Gene Simmons

2007-09-08T17:17:00.000-07:00

A lot of people complain about how much a jerk Gene Simmons is, and how he's just a chauvinist egonmanical pig. You know what, he wrote Destroyer, so he can pretty much do whatever wants and you can shut the crap up about it.

In addition, new Number 12 album is out, and it is a radiclysm

Radiclysm: noun, possessing a degree of radicality such that a major disaster may result to balance out the awesomeness; possessing the qualities of the first four Metallica albums

Da Bears

2007-09-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

People ask me why I like Brian Urlacher so much. My opinion is that with a name so close to "Ass Licker" or "Hurl Lacker" he must've gotten teased a lot in high school and that made him mean, and I like that in a defenseman.

Imperialism

2007-09-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

Since I was a political philosophy major in college, people often ask me about the morality of the really tough political questions, like imperialism. My opinion on the matter is pretty clean-cut. As the culture that created the DMV, we have a responsibility to keep such things out of the wrong hands. I've spent far too much of my life waiting in lines that are too long to take tests about things I'll ignore on the road from people who quite obviously hate me. I'll allow genocide and jihadist fundamentalism to reign supreme, just as long as no other country has to endure the shame of being told that in order to be in this line they need a form from line B, which is temporarily closed, so you'll have to make an appointment for the next month or two.

Hating Freedom? Loving the new burger joint

2007-09-04T16:37:00.000-07:00

I'm always fascinated when one political pundit accuses another political pundit of "hating freedom." Not that I disagree that baby-killing, gun-hiding, Grateful Dead following acid-dropping pansies shouldn't be identified as such (I'm talking to you Judge Scalia, don't think you've gotten everyone fooled). I'm just curious as to what would drive someone to hate freedom. I mean, I can understand, because there are times when I hate freedom too. Did you know there are like 6 kinds of sauces at Arby's to put on your sandwich, I don't have all day people, and there are only so many vaguely gray roast beef sandwiches I can get down in one sitting. It'd be so much easier if someone just said "Look, you can only order honey mustard, and you can't marry if you're a gay." I respect that kind of authority. People here in America take their freedom for granted, and as a result, I have way too much to think about.

People ask me what I wanna be when I grow up...

2007-08-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

2007-08-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

I'm fairly convinced that the segway serves two purposes, one, to help people with legitimate walking problems move around, and two, for people who can walk fine, it eliminates the need for the "Hey, I'm probably a prick" sign that was weighing them down.

2007-08-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I look at fish in an aquarium, I wonder if they ever think "Holy Crap People! Get back in the tank before you suffocate!"

2007-08-22T10:09:00.001-07:00

You know what movie's awesome? Gremlins 2

The Media

2007-08-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

You'd think if the media was run by liberal family-haters, I could see boobies and violence without having the pay for HBO. Frankly, I'm dissapointed, that's really the only reason I vote for family-hating draft dodgers, and they can't even come through on some basic cable nudity.

Related Thought: I dream of a day when "liberal, violent television" means TVs are built into killer hippie robots.

2007-08-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

Go Mets

2007-08-07T09:58:00.000-07:00

I heard if any Yankees grow facial hair, then Joe Torre strips them naked, covers them in Nair, and personally shaves them in the broom closet. It's true, I saw it on the VH1.

I just wanted this on as much of the Internet at possible

2007-04-02T18:05:00.000-07:00

2007-03-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

"If God had wanted men to fly, he would've stuck feathers up our butt"
-3 Six Mafia

Judging from the sneak preview, I have to believe that 3 Six Mafia: Adventures in HollyHood will be the greatest television show in history.

87 Hetfield

2007-03-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

87 Hetfield (adj):
1. Possessing the qualities that could be attached to James Hetfield in 1987.
2. Reminiscent of the actions of James Hetfield in 1987.
3. James Hetfield in 1987-ness

Examples of usage
"Dude, that guitar solo was 87 Hetfield."
"Bro, when you put that Venom song on during the party, total 87 Hetfield!"
"Leather jackets, tight jeans and vintage T-shirts are giving womens' fashion this season a look that is positively 87 Hetfield."
"Get hammered, listen to thrash and go skateboarding, 87 Hetfield."

2007-03-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

My parents are going away for a week-long vacation. They said they wouldn't do it except since we moved so recently Sean and I don't know anyone, so we can't throw a party. I was at first apalled by this lack of trust, but then five minutes later I was sitting by myself and thought "hey, mom and dad are gonna be away, we should throw a party."

2007-03-11T21:49:00.000-07:00

In his day, Thor was known as he Shaq of Asgard. Interestingly enough, his father Odin and brother Loki were sick at free throws, but had no air.